Someone in The Guardian wants us to stop saying our (Please and) Thank You's

Ed Vaisey and Laura WIndsor in the studio for a Low Stakes Debate with Sangeeta Pillai

I am often asked whether certain behaviours are “right” or “wrong” when people move abroad or live within another culture. But the truth is that, there is no right or wrong — there is simply difference.

Take, for example, an article in Sangeeta Pillai published in The Guardian titled “The hill I will die on: Britons love saying thank you – I think we should ban the phrase.” Following its publication, I was invited into the studio at Times Radio to take part in the Low Stakes Debate segment with Ed Vaizey, where I discussed the issue alongside Sangeeta Pillai.

What the article fails to recognise is that politeness in Britain is deeply cultural. We are known around the world for saying “please” and “thank you,” often automatically, from the time we are children. But even if these phrases are habitual, they still serve an important social purpose: they acknowledge another person’s presence.

And who does not like to feel acknowledged or respected?

Whether entirely heartfelt or simply instinctive, these small courtesies help maintain civility and social harmony. In Britain, saying our “P’s and Q’s” matters. If someone does not say thank you, many people instinctively think, “How rude.” That reaction alone shows how deeply ingrained these customs are within British society.

Having lived in other countries myself, I find it refreshing to return to the UK and experience that everyday politeness again. It creates a certain atmosphere — one of mutual recognition and consideration.

Of course, if someone does not wish to say “thank you,” that is entirely their prerogative. And if such customs are not part of another culture, that is perfectly fine too. But difference should not become a reason to dismiss or belittle another society’s traditions.

There is no right or wrong — there’s only different.

If you move to another country, why try to erase something so deeply woven into its culture? It would be rather like me going to India and declaring that an ingrained Indian custom was ridiculous and should be banned. It would rightly be considered disrespectful, arrogant, and lacking in cultural understanding.

It is not my place to tell another culture how it should behave.

What is considered polite in one culture may seem unnecessary or strange in another. That does not make either side correct or incorrect. It simply reflects differing social norms.

Polite phrases such as “thank you” may sometimes sound automatic, but they function as social signals rather than literal statements. They are rituals of acknowledgment that help maintain civility between strangers.

Trying to remove them because they seem excessive is a bit like insisting Italians should stop eating spaghetti with a fork, or telling Indians they should eat rice with a knife and fork because it appears more “civilised” to someone else. Cultural habits do not need external approval to justify their existence.

Perhaps instead of trying to erase cultural differences, we should simply learn to recognise and respect them.